Where There is a Kikuyu there is a problem……., & a solution
Angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said ‘I have to talk to you. We have some Kikuyus up here and are causing problems. They’re swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Savco jeans instead of their white robes, they’re riding pick up trucks instead of the chariots, and they’re selling their halos to people for discount prices. Furthermore, they refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear, since they keep crouching down midway hawking their wings! They have sub-let their mansions and are now living in the SQs. They are even attempting “atiriri” talk over here! I found some attempting to fit a carrier on the chariot for carrying “thaara wa n’gombe ” (napier grass) on their way from visits they are even using mpesa to send money to “andu aitu” in hell.
The Lord said, ‘Kikuyus are Kikuyus. If you want to know about real problems, call the devil.’
The Devil answered the phone, ‘Hello? Hold on minute.’ The Devil returned to the phone, ‘OK I’m back. What can I do for you?’ Gabriel replied, ‘I just wanted to know what kind of problems you’re having down there.’ The Devil said, ‘Hold on again. I need to check on something.’ After about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said, ‘I’m back.. Now what was the question?’ Gabriel said, ‘What kind of problems are you having down there?’
The Devil said, ‘Man I don’t believe this……..Hold on.’ in the background you can hear
“ngai!!!”
This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes. The Devil returned and said, ‘I’m sorry Gabriel, I can’t talk right now. These Kikuyus have put out the fire and are selling me a match box if I want to light the fire again!
July 3rd, 2009 at 2:16 am
I stumbled on this website today.
It is good to have a sense of humour but humour of this kind against an ethnic community had existed for centuries before the last holocaust. Please read European History.
Humour of this kind repeated on and on tends to work on the sub- conscious feeding the fear/ fascination /hatred of the other communities and stoking the exclusiveness of the target community- lets be frank this is already happening in Kenya.
The jokes become more morbid and dark ……………please read No One Left to Tell by a Rwandan survivor and before you know it a whole country has plunged into an orgy of acting out all they have internalized against the target community.( does that sound familiar?)
When my children come home and tell me a Kikuyu joke or slur someone told them I tell them that that is a stereotype it is wrong and I have told them not to have truck or put up with anyone who feeds his insecurities by denigrating others. I do the same all the time.
If you are a parent …please do not raise a child who is supposed to apologise for /or tolerate something he did not have a choice over. We would fail our ancestors if we did that- why then did they exist…if we simply roll over .
Please watch L’Amistad again…remember the words of Djimon Honsou …”you are the reason why all the other people who came before you lived”…… if that be the case will this be the generation that allowed a diversity created by God to abhor and apologise for its existence?
Which way do we go from here? You did not choose to be born Kikuyu. There is a rich heritage of culture and values in which you were borne into much of it positive.( Get 1000 Gikuyu proverbs ) What are you going to do with it? Or are you to continue with your hollow laughter and think up more jokes and slurs of your own? Are you going to be cowed into a herd to protect “rights” which are enjoyed only by a handful of old men and their wives and children who pillaged the Kikuyu community while the peasants were left to toil in penury to educate their children in matchbox landholdings or as squatters ( a la Kiambu District) or are you going to stand up and demand the dignity of what every human being is entitled to?
It is your choice…and since we are all bearing children….what are we leaving behind?
Nyambura
July 20th, 2009 at 7:38 am
Why is that you have learnt to look at the half glass of water as halfway empty.
We are our own enemies. What do you teach your children in the house? Is it be yourself and love yourself? Then why does this change for your community? Would you let others come and tell you how to run your home? What if someone comes and says the “Wanjugus” are thieves, do you live by that word? Why then are you accepting to live by the word of others about who kikuyus are? Even if they were right we are here to clean up our house and change it for our Children.
The events of last election was the result (amongest others) of someone who was ill advising others on who a kikuyu is, while we silently sat back and watched and did not advice otherwise. That is why I am supporting Kikuyu for change.Even if no other communities cares to learn of who we are they will listen and hear of who we are. (Sorry to look at it this way. If you have a product you want to sell you have tell and do all to show the good about it until it is sold. Here is a selling point “the American he is the saviour of the world” watch the movies, the first to show up on a need rescue missions etc
What I get from this humourous story is that Kikuyus are a formidabble people, resilient, entreprenural and unbeatable. This is who we are let us see the positive and use it to change our young men and make a better life for all of us.
August 20th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Kikuyus for change kweli. When people report about the oppression of our people we are told we are bashing other tribes .But this kind of crude stereotyping that feeds on others bashing us is encouraged . I am so done with Kikuyu selff haters you make me sick
October 26th, 2009 at 2:09 am
well, you could be justified by the humour u bring out concerning our fellow kikuyus. perharps its one of the misfortuned view that they tend to posses in terms of their thirst for money.But we need not condem them as such rather look at their initial cause for their problems and overcome it. of course preaching peace and humanity to them could also be of help and emphasize they embrace the enduring lifeterm core values rather than the temporal short term vices which will determine their final destiny beyond this life, and that is eternal life
October 29th, 2009 at 8:34 am
kikuyus will always steal its in their dna
October 29th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
This are the stereotypes that must be interrogated-Kamau, on what basis would you make a statement like that. (From your name I assume you are Kikuyu); -are you a thief?
November 1st, 2009 at 6:37 am
Strange you’d ask Kamau that question, yet you’ve first immortalized/published a MAJOR stereotype which Kamau simply reinforces. Where does that leave you? I wont hazard to tell you.
Spot on Mwugowithanio!
January 24th, 2010 at 9:16 am
Good Post. Can you email me back, please. Thank you.
February 4th, 2010 at 8:47 am
Lets not be too sensitive. What stereotypes do is to warn us of peoples weaknesess- not that all of them are necessarily like that. Many kambas and Luhyas are cooks for Indians in the city. Kwani ni wote? Lets laugh at ourselves and they to become better people.